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I am an optimistic person. But I realized that my posts on motherhood have taken a pessimistic spin lately. I love being a mom. I love staying at home with my children. That being said, I have hard days sometimes. I could post things on my blog that make me seem better than I am but I find it refreshing and renewing to reveal my life to others in a very honest way. Especially because I know how much it means to me to know that other moms have hard days too. So thank you for all of your sweet and encouraging comments on my previous post. I think there are loads of people that face things in their lives that are so much more difficult that I could even imagine. So I shouldn't complain about the harder aspects of my day-to-day life. But a few things that have been difficult for me is that I don't live near my parents and siblings. Some days I would give ANYTHING to have that outlet. Brian's job is demanding and it frequently keeps him busy on the weekends. But he will have the summer off. I'm realizing as I speak to other women that so many husbands have jobs that occupy way more of their time than what we as wives and mothers want. So I'm definitely not alone there. And Brian and I have figured out how to work the system. For example, I am going to the Houston Rockets game with him and his choir on Friday night. And Brian has talked to his boss about lightening the load a bit and that has helped.
So on to optimism:
David walks around the house and says "happy, happy, happy, happy" over and over. It makes me happy :).
We talk to our kids about the temple a lot. The other day we took David and Nathan to the Houston temple grounds. David loved it so much that he did NOT want to leave and ran up to the door and tried to go in before we could catch him. As we drove away from it he held out his arms to the temple and cried. It made me realize how you really can teach little children about things and they really do "get it".
Spring is here. Every time I go outside I am surrounded by beauty. I love my home. I love my borrowed backyard. The pasture is green and the grass is getting long and ripples in the wind. There is solitude and beauty where we live and I feel so blessed to be where I am. The birds come and sing to us and I get to teach my children about them. I'll take some pictures of what I'm talking about and post them sometime.
Most importantly, I have a peaceful assurance about how I am choosing to live my life. There is nothing I would rather be than a mother. There is nothing I would rather do than nurture my children every day. I can do anything in the strength of the Lord.
I am in need of advice from moms that have motherhood all figured out (I know most of us don't have it all figured out but this is being typed up with the hope that there might be).
I have two little kids. They are young. They are needy. After clawing my way through the first few months with two kids, I felt like I had things under control. They were both napping at the same time in the afternoon which helped give me time to do things alone. Sometimes I would do dishes. Sometimes I would read blogs. Sometimes I would nap. Sometimes I would shower. Sometimes I would exercise. I lived everyday for nap time. If I could just make it to 1:00 I would be okay. I was feeling so great that I decided to also wake up early to get a jump start on my day without the little ones. This gave me time to read scriptures, or to shower, or to exercise.
So that was the way it used to be. But now my kids wake up earlier and David won't seem to take his naps anymore. So I'm going to up the ante and wake up at 5:00 to fit in my exercising and shower before the kids get up. I will try to be patient with my toddler that refuses to sleep. I will put them to bed at 8:00 and go to bed myself at 9:00. That gives me one hour alone in the evenings and one hour in the morning before Brian goes to work. This is my schedule everyday. I have no holidays or weekends. I can't leave work. I have no time off. And it is taxing! Does anyone realize how much a mother gives? I know I didn't until I became one.
Mother of many, can you please tell me how you did it? I wanted a big family but after experiencing life with these precious little ones, I don't think I'm selfless enough to do what motherhood requires of me. How do you do it? Teach me so I can face my future with energy and hope and the family size that I wanted so long ago.
