Fathers and Sons AND Mothers too

My husband and sons are at their first ever father/son camp-out. Sending them out the door armed with long pants and bug repellent, I couldn’t help but feel just a little bit older and more mature than I usually do.

Speaking of more mature, my birthday is tomorrow. That is if this ever gets posted on the 18^th of May. Tomorrow I have to attend a meeting, but we have big dinner plans. In fact, I told Brian that we are going somewhere really nice to celebrate. We are talking $15 dollar a plate here people.

I’m going to be 24. When I realize the gravity of only being 24 and reaching only what I hope is a quarter of the life I’m supposed to live, I feel…relieved. I still have so much to learn. Sometimes it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders when it’s not at all. I have time to get it right. And as I look back on even just the last few years of my life, I can see how much I’ve grown (on the inside and out sadly).

One thing that I’ve learned recently is that you can’t go through two pregnancies without exercising much and eating whatever the heck you want and come out fit and trim as you’ve always been. It isn’t that I have gained a ton of weight, but the few extra pounds I have put on are most unwelcome. So a few months ago I decided to do something that I never thought I could really do, and that is wake up at 5 am and go running. Yes, I am finally one of those people. I never thought it would have to come to this, but here I am. I go three times a week. I run about 2 miles and have a 13-minute a mile pace. I am improving too, don’t you worry. My goal was to lose 10 pounds. That would put me about where I was pre-baby. Well folks, after running for about 8 or 9 weeks I have lost a total of .8 of a pound. I know right? So now I realize that you can’t eat whatever the heck you want even if you are getting up in the AM to go running. Sheesh. Can’t I just choose one? Eat healthy or exercise? It isn’t that I pig out on candy all day. Or that I don’t eat veggies. I love veggies. I love grilled meat. I love vitamins and drinking water. I heart green smoothies. I love sprouts. I mean come on! No, my downfall is my deep and abiding love of baking. One day last week it was a drizzly, cloudy, dark day. The kind of day that it just feels so right to stay inside and watch the storm out your window and BAKE. So that one day I made sugar cookies with lemon frosting, WHOLE WHEAT banana bread (in case you were worried I didn’t know what healthy food was and/or thought I didn’t like it), and those sinful little peanut butter cookies with the Hershey kisses. Man I love those.

I’m just so not okay with giving up cookies and delicious ice-cream sundaes, and milkshakes, and cinnamon rolls. Sorry Charlie. No can do.

So even though I’ve lost just less than one pound, I have lost inches, which has to count for something. And Brian thinks my chubby cheeks are loosing just a bit of chub…that is always a good thing.

Other than feeling more energized, etc, etc, etc, that comes with running, I really want to lose the weight so I can GAIN IT ALL BACK AGAIN in the form of another baby. No, I’m not pregnant. But eventually I would like to be, and it just seems better to start off where I had started with my first pregnancy, otherwise by baby number 13 I’m going to be one fat mama!

I’m realizing more and more what this “season” of my life is all about. Have the baby. Feed the baby. Feed yourself. Feed yourself and your baby cookies. Lose the weight. Repeat.

This is one seriously taxing stage of life. But I’m happy to do it. I love children. I love my children so much it just plain hurts sometimes. I can’t seem to kiss Nathan’s little face enough, and when David blows raspberries on my collarbone I feel like the luckiest mom in the world. And when I gaze into their perfect faces and notice their shining eyes and flawless baby skin I can’t help but feel grateful for the stretch marks and dark circles under my eyes. I grew these babies. I gave a portion of my youth to them that I will never have back on my person, but it manifests itself in their beautiful little faces and I’m so, so, so happy do have given them the gift of life.

Well my boys are walking in the door. David immediately told me that Brother Carter, his nursery teacher, was there as well as Santa. And Brian told me nobody had a quilt (I told him to take one for Nathan to sit on and he politely informed me that no man brings a quilt to a campout).

My Jolly Husband

To know the Cook family well you have to know Brian. He hardly ever posts on our blog so I will do the honors. Plus, I kind of really sort of love him a lot so he is on my mind at the moment.

Brian is a choir teacher. He has a masters degree in Choral Conducting and he is a middle school teacher at a very diverse school. For the most part his students are disrespectful, but he tries to make them laugh and he tries to make them behave even though they don't want to. He comes home with the craziest stories...probably not the type that I could share (unless my blog was private). Teachers are the bomb. I have way more respect for public school teachers than I have ever had. Especially good public school teachers.

Brian details cars for extra income and sheer entertainment. He finds joy in jobs that make a noticeable difference--like mowing the lawn.

Brian is at a complete loss in the kitchen. He has cooked maybe 4 or 5 meals in the four years we have been married. That excludes frozen pizzas. He can do those. 

Brian showers everyday without fail. Sometimes he showers twice a day. I can't remember a single day when he didn't take a shower. It may seem gross to you that I find that fascinating...I can think of plenty of times when I went a day or two without showering.

He teaches voice lessons...voice lessons that turn into guitar lessons or piano lessons. People think that he can teach anything musical which is actually probably true. 

Brian has never criticized me. If the house is a mess he doesn't say a word about it. If a meal I make is not as good as I had hoped, he still thanks me for it and sings my praises (a little something I have learned is that if you marry someone that can't cook at all you will be sooooo appreciated. He tells me over and over again how lucky he is to be fed so well. I try to tell him most Mormon women can cook well--I haven't met any that can't put a good meal together and probably should just generalize that to all women--but he still thinks I'm exceptionally good at it).

He wins trophies.

 

He greets our children with energy and enthusiasm everyday. He plays and plays and plays with them. In short, he is a good daddy. 

He is funny. And I know funny. 

(Pictures taken the last day of school before Spring Break. We had a little too much fun with David's balloons. And let me tell you, I could have posted worse pictures but I didn't.)

 

He tries to make me laugh and brightens my day by leaving me little notes or doing the dishes in the early hours of the morning. Just yesterday I woke up to find a giant note left for me on our bathroom mirror written in marker. "ITS YOUR DAY" the note said, along with "I LOVE KAYLA COOK" and a giant circle where my reflected face would go that said above it, "I AM AWESOME" and an arrow pointing down to the outlet that said "You don't have to blow dry your hair today because it is your day!" and at the bottom a PS "I thought of this idea in the shower. I hope it is a good one." Let me tell you what he meant by that.

Brian is a very deep thinking shower taker. His best, worst, (and sometimes weirdest) ideas come to him while showering. This is due mostly to the fact that he isn't really awake until he gets out. The funniest idea that he had in the shower lately was a wedding gift that he thought to give a couple that was getting married at the school he works at. That particular day the faculty was invited to share their congratulations during lunch or something. Brian had very few encounters with the couple, maybe only a "hi" in the hallway, but he remembered when he first met the groom that he discovered that Brian was a Mormon and he said something like "Ah! I used to date a Mormon." So with this bit of information in the back of his mind, he thought of giving the new couple (neither of them members) a copy of The Family Proclamation to the World. But instead of just sticking a folded up copy in a nice note of congratulations, he thought he would put it in a frame. So on his way to work he stopped at Walmart and bought a frame for the nice copy of the proclamation we already had on hand. He bought a cute gift bag and tissue paper and a card to explain the gift to the couple. Now don't get me wrong, I was impressed with Brian's courage in giving something to them that has been so meaningful to us in our marriage. But when Brian got to school and actually began to wake up out of the half-sleep he usually is in when he is thinking in the shower he realized that not only did none of his co-workers have a gift for the couple, but he actually did not know these people at all. He realized that maybe he should re-think his wedding gift and at the end of the day, the gift came home with Brian along with his explanation. I'm usually still in bed while he takes his shower in the morning so he had to explain the whole process of the gift gone wrong. Only it was well intended and he hopes to give them a copy of it someday...just maybe not a framed copy for their wall since that might be a little overboard. 

Brian aspires to work in the choral department at a university somewhere (preferably one in Utah or Idaho that starts with "B") or if that doesn't work out for us we'll take The Mormon Tabernacle Choir...but only if we have to. And first he will need a doctorate degree... 

Well I don't know how many people have read this, but I know that Brian will and that is the whole point! I love you my jolly husband!

It needs to be documented

Some of my family came to Texas to visit me this spring. (Cool new changes on blogger btw....trying to get adjusted here.) I am the Girls Camp director and Young Women Secretary in my ward. I wanted my sister to share her message with our YW as part of a camp kick-off activity and it went so well. She stayed for a week and we took advantage! We went shopping, we went to the beach, we ate some authentic Texan food, and talked and talked and talked. To see Amy's post about her trip go here. But I'm warning you it isn't pretty. 
Amy you need to come back! And bring your family with you next time!
       

About a week after my sister left, my parents and younger siblings came for their spring break. My sister flew here, but my parents and siblings DROVE. I was so impressed with their stamina. After driving for two long days (only one if you don't stop for the night...our preferred method) they arrived at 2:30 in the morning on Sunday. It was Easter Sunday and they came to sacrament meeting despite getting in so late. That particular meeting was special not only because it was Easter but because our ward has a tradition of doing an Easter program, similar to the Christmas programs done in other wards in our church. My husband is our ward choir director and he put together such a beautiful program. He arranged "I Know that My Redeemer Lives" for piano and flute as well as conducted our choir singing some beautiful songs about the resurrection. Do you go to ward choir? You should. It is the bomb. Plus every ward choir needs more singers--every single one--I guarantee it.

So here are some pics our time together. This is at a park in Brenham where the Blue Bell Factory is located. We did the factory tour which was fun...despite having to wait like an hour and a half. There were six elders there too...boy did they stick out!!!

This is my little sister (I know she looks older than me. She is 16). I love her a lot and somehow after every trip I take to Utah she seems to be the one I start missing first.

Here we are. The coolest of all the Salisbury children. Isn't my brother so good looking? :) He is 10.

The picture below is important for two reasons. One to show off our Blue Bell factory hats, and two to show off my little sister's gladiator sandals. Ooooh la la. But seriously I could never pull those off.

We rode the Bolivar ferry from Galveston and fed the birds Cheetos from the back of the boat. Pretty good picture despite my crummy camera.

We played on the beach where we learned that Parker (my little bro.) is quite a daredevil...whereas my parents have old-parent syndrome and were screaming his name from the sand to GET BACK HERE! I wish I had a picture of how far out my brother got, but I do have this picture of my little David having the time of his life.

Who is that? Hubba hubba.

We went to the Woodlands Waterway for some fun. My brother is an awesome uncle :).

We also went to NASA, The Holocaust Museum of Houston, the Galleria, and ate at some fantastic restaurants. More than half of the things we did were free. We fit my whole family in our home (and it was perfectly comfortable). If any friends or family are looking for a fun vacation, come see us! Mom, Dad, Rachel, Parker, and Amy, please come back soon!!!!!

Hay!

Yesterday the boys and I went outside and watched the hay get baled in our "backyard". It was a lovely day and quite picturesque--not to mention pretty stinkin cool to watch.





This is the first Texas spring that I have been absolutely in love with. Oh that all days were such perfect temperatures! I know it won't last long so I'm really trying to soak it up.

On Optimism

I am an optimistic person. But I realized that my posts on motherhood have taken a pessimistic spin lately. I love being a mom. I love staying at home with my children. That being said, I have hard days sometimes. I could post things on my blog that make me seem better than I am but I find it refreshing and renewing to reveal my life to others in a very honest way. Especially because I know how much it means to me to know that other moms have hard days too. So thank you for all of your sweet and encouraging comments on my previous post. I think there are loads of people that face things in their lives that are so much more difficult that I could even imagine. So I shouldn't complain about the harder aspects of my day-to-day life. But a few things that have been difficult for me is that I don't live near my parents and siblings. Some days I would give ANYTHING to have that outlet. Brian's job is demanding and it frequently keeps him busy on the weekends. But he will have the summer off. I'm realizing as I speak to other women that so many husbands have jobs that occupy way more of their time than what we as wives and mothers want. So I'm definitely not alone there. And Brian and I have figured out how to work the system. For example, I am going to the Houston Rockets game with him and his choir on Friday night. And Brian has talked to his boss about lightening the load a bit and that has helped.

So on to optimism:

David walks around the house and says "happy, happy, happy, happy" over and over. It makes me happy :).

We talk to our kids about the temple a lot. The other day we took David and Nathan to the Houston temple grounds. David loved it so much that he did NOT want to leave and ran up to the door and tried to go in before we could catch him. As we drove away from it he held out his arms to the temple and cried. It made me realize how you really can teach little children about things and they really do "get it".

Spring is here. Every time I go outside I am surrounded by beauty. I love my home. I love my borrowed backyard. The pasture is green and the grass is getting long and ripples in the wind. There is solitude and beauty where we live and I feel so blessed to be where I am. The birds come and sing to us and I get to teach my children about them. I'll take some pictures of what I'm talking about and post them sometime.

Most importantly, I have a peaceful assurance about how I am choosing to live my life. There is nothing I would rather be than a mother. There is nothing I would rather do than nurture my children every day. I can do anything in the strength of the Lord.

Trying to become a better mother

I am in need of advice from moms that have motherhood all figured out (I know most of us don't have it all figured out but this is being typed up with the hope that there might be).

I have two little kids. They are young. They are needy. After clawing my way through the first few months with two kids, I felt like I had things under control. They were both napping at the same time in the afternoon which helped give me time to do things alone. Sometimes I would do dishes. Sometimes I would read blogs. Sometimes I would nap. Sometimes I would shower. Sometimes I would exercise. I lived everyday for nap time. If I could just make it to 1:00 I would be okay. I was feeling so great that I decided to also wake up early to get a jump start on my day without the little ones. This gave me time to read scriptures, or to shower, or to exercise.

So that was the way it used to be. But now my kids wake up earlier and David won't seem to take his naps anymore. So I'm going to up the ante and wake up at 5:00 to fit in my exercising and shower before the kids get up. I will try to be patient with my toddler that refuses to sleep. I will put them to bed at 8:00 and go to bed myself at 9:00. That gives me one hour alone in the evenings and one hour in the morning before Brian goes to work. This is my schedule everyday. I have no holidays or weekends. I can't leave work. I have no time off. And it is taxing! Does anyone realize how much a mother gives? I know I didn't until I became one.

Mother of many, can you please tell me how you did it? I wanted a big family but after experiencing life with these precious little ones, I don't think I'm selfless enough to do what motherhood requires of me. How do you do it? Teach me so I can face my future with energy and hope and the family size that I wanted so long ago.

An Explanation

The post below requires an explanation. So for those of you that want it, here it is.

I was up early, 4:30 I think, with Nathan. When I got him back to sleep it seemed not long before David was up for the day. Nathan and David usually share a room but this time Nate was asleep in his pack and play in my bedroom. I put Barney in for David (can I just say I'm not a fan or Barney...I think its his voice) and I fell asleep on the couch. Pretty soon I heard Nathan crying and in my grogginess I told David to check on him. Sometimes they can entertain each other for a few minutes. David came back and got some toys for him and put them, as well as himself, in the pack and play. I fell back to sleep and woke up to David's face about two inches from mine saying that Nate had a dirty diaper...well is was more like "Mommy, Mommy, Maaaaaahhhhmy, Maaaaaahhhhmy, Nate! Nate! Poo-poo". So I gradually got myself up, deciding it was time I stop neglecting my children. When I went in and saw Nate I could not for the life of me figure out what had happened. Then David said "See! See!" and showed me how he threw Nathan's poopy diaper in the garbage. I realized at that moment that David had tried to change his little brother's diaper. What a helper.