My husband and sons are at their first ever father/son camp-out. Sending them out the door armed with long pants and bug repellent, I couldn’t help but feel just a little bit older and more mature than I usually do.
Speaking of more mature, my birthday is tomorrow. That is if this ever gets posted on the 18th of May. Tomorrow I have to attend a meeting, but we have big dinner plans. In fact, I told Brian that we are going somewhere really nice to celebrate. We are talking $15 dollar a plate here people.
I’m going to be 24. When I realize the gravity of only being 24 and reaching only what I hope is a quarter of the life I’m supposed to live, I feel…relieved. I still have so much to learn. Sometimes it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders when it’s not at all. I have time to get it right. And as I look back on even just the last few years of my life, I can see how much I’ve grown (on the inside and out sadly).
One thing that I’ve learned recently is that you can’t go through two pregnancies without exercising much and eating whatever the heck you want and come out fit and trim as you’ve always been. It isn’t that I have gained a ton of weight, but the few extra pounds I have put on are most unwelcome. So a few months ago I decided to do something that I never thought I could really do, and that is wake up at 5 am and go running. Yes, I am finally one of those people. I never thought it would have to come to this, but here I am. I go three times a week. I run about 2 miles and have a 13-minute a mile pace. I am improving too, don’t you worry. My goal was to lose 10 pounds. That would put me about where I was pre-baby. Well folks, after running for about 8 or 9 weeks I have lost a total of .8 of a pound. I know right? So now I realize that you can’t eat whatever the heck you want even if you are getting up in the AM to go running. Sheesh. Can’t I just choose one? Eat healthy or exercise? It isn’t that I pig out on candy all day. Or that I don’t eat veggies. I love veggies. I love grilled meat. I love vitamins and drinking water. I heart green smoothies. I love sprouts. I mean come on! No, my downfall is my deep and abiding love of baking. One day last week it was a drizzly, cloudy, dark day. The kind of day that it just feels so right to stay inside and watch the storm out your window and BAKE. So that one day I made sugar cookies with lemon frosting, WHOLE WHEAT banana bread (in case you were worried I didn’t know what healthy food was and/or thought I didn’t like it), and those sinful little peanut butter cookies with the Hershey kisses. Man I love those.
I’m just so not okay with giving up cookies and delicious ice-cream sundaes, and milkshakes, and cinnamon rolls. Sorry Charlie. No can do.
So even though I’ve lost just less than one pound, I have lost inches, which has to count for something. And Brian thinks my chubby cheeks are loosing just a bit of chub…that is always a good thing.
Other than feeling more energized, etc, etc, etc, that comes with running, I really want to lose the weight so I can GAIN IT ALL BACK AGAIN in the form of another baby. No, I’m not pregnant. But eventually I would like to be, and it just seems better to start off where I had started with my first pregnancy, otherwise by baby number 13 I’m going to be one fat mama!
I’m realizing more and more what this “season” of my life is all about. Have the baby. Feed the baby. Feed yourself. Feed yourself and your baby cookies. Lose the weight. Repeat.
This is one seriously taxing stage of life. But I’m happy to do it. I love children. I love my children so much it just plain hurts sometimes. I can’t seem to kiss Nathan’s little face enough, and when David blows raspberries on my collarbone I feel like the luckiest mom in the world. And when I gaze into their perfect faces and notice their shining eyes and flawless baby skin I can’t help but feel grateful for the stretch marks and dark circles under my eyes. I grew these babies. I gave a portion of my youth to them that I will never have back on my person, but it manifests itself in their beautiful little faces and I’m so, so, so happy do have given them the gift of life.
Well my boys are walking in the door. David immediately told me that Brother Carter, his nursery teacher, was there as well as Santa. And Brian told me nobody had a quilt (I told him to take one for Nathan to sit on and he politely informed me that no man brings a quilt to a campout).
4 comments:
OH kayla, this was so so so so so so sweet to read. I love you!!! I feel the same way about looking into my baby's sparking eyes and happy faces and just feeling like the most blessed person on the planet, like nobody else could be as happy as I am. : ) I share the same opinion as you when it comes to giving up some sweets. Milkshakes? no can do. Chocolate bars with toffee? no can do. I'm sorry but I will go insane if my life does not include those things. And my babies are kind of already drive me insane, so I need my sweets for refuge!! : ) oh man, i sound like a fat girl having a love affair with her comfort food addiction. oh wait, it's true, i AM a fat girl with a comfort food addiction. : ) dang pregnancy. BUt seriously, everything you said about realizing that that's what our phase of life is all about is just so true. I think about that all the time. I think about how before I got pregnant I didn't realize that pregnancy was going to be such a permanent part of my life for the next (possibly) ten years. If I had taken the time to think about that I might not have been so eager to start having kids. ; ) But I also cherish the fact that one day I'll look back at this phase of my life and miss it profoundly. Weight is temporary and I can do something about it, but I can't do anything about my baby's growing up too fast so I'm trying to focus on that instead of the inconveniences of being overweight. Anyway. thank you for this post. Just totally awesome. And happy birthday!!!! I totally forgot you are so young!! : ) love you, girl.
What? I am completely shocked that I am older than you! By 2 weeks:) You are so mature and wise:) I love to read your blog because you make me feel so much better about having the same thoughts and feelings! It's time for me to become one of "those" people too. Ugh. The part about your cheeks made me laugh. I have the same problem:) How many smiley faces can I put in one comment?
I completely understand what you mean about not being able to give up ice cream and cinnamon rolls and sugar cookies. Darn the curse that is a love of baking!! ;) Every time I bake I try to get rid of most of it so I don't eat it all. The only time I do not abide by this rule is when I make rice krispie treats {which I know is not baking, but go with me here}. I'm too selfish to share one of my all-time favorites. Ah, it's a good thing babies and children are so darn worth it!
{Also, I haven't tried this but my sister has. She had her baby on the 10th of December and she's already lost all the baby weight, plus some. I think she calls it Paul McKenna - or something like that. She claims she can still eat what she likes and lose weight. I plan to look into it when this little guy arrives but according to her, it's the bomb.}
Good luck with continued running! Don't give up. :)
I love this post. You are a great writer! It's nice to know other people are trying to figure out life too. :)
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