A friend recently asked me for any advice that I could give her about birthing in a hospital naturally, without an epidural. I've been thinking a lot about my experience with this and decided to write about it. David's birth was completely unmedicated and lasted 12 hours from start to finish. Nathan's birth (you can read it
HERE) was with an epidural and lasted about 4 days. Jonah was breech and I had a C-section. I learned somewhere that after your first baby labor gets shorter and shorter with each pregnancy. In my situation that is laughable. Each of my deliveries have been so incredibly different from each other.
****Caution!****This is a birth story!****Turn back while you still can!****
Brian blogged about David's birth (you can read it
HERE) but I never did.
David was due Nov. 13th and born Nov. 1. I was not expecting to have him at 38 weeks gestation. I thought for sure I would go past my due date since that happened to my mom and sisters. So let me rewind to Halloween, the day before he was born. Brian and I had spent the day putting together the world's best costume (found
HERE) and carving the world's best pumpkin. After I had my costume assembled we realized we had nowhere to go. This wasn't going to work for us so we decided to go trick-or-treating. Yes we went trick-or-treating...two grown adults (one extremely pregnant). We didn't ask for candy but gave out cookies to the doors we knocked. I think all the walking that day must have jump started my labor. Plus it was a full moon that night and some people seem to think that affects labor. Don't ask me. I started feeling some mild contractions that night. I assumed it was Braxton Hicks. The next morning was Sunday and I was feeling more contractions but nothing painful. I wasn't even convinced I was in labor. I did laundry and put some dinner in the crockpot for after church. Church didn't start until 1:00. By 11:00 am I knew I wasn't feeling well enough to attend church but still didn't think I was in labor. Brian and I took a walk and the contractions were pretty consistent. We finally decided to time them. By about 3:00 we realized I was probably in labor but didn't decide to go to the hospital until the contractions were 3-5 minutes apart. At this point I was in a lot of pain. I remember walking slowly around the neighborhood (looking back I can't figure out why I thought walking around was the best thing to do at this stage of labor). I was getting attacked by mosquitos (because mosquitos are cool like that in Houston and suck your blood even in November). We decided at about 4:00 that afternoon to check in to the hospital. They confirmed I was dilated 5cm, asked if I wanted an epidural and admitted us. I told them I didn't want one. About an hour after that I was in the hospital room with an IV access in my hand, a monitor wrapped around my stomach and another one attached to the baby's head between my legs (sorry I don't know how else to put that). My nurse, a sweet black woman, told us they would just turn the lights down and leave us alone. I was obviously confined not only to the bed but laying on my back. The contractions at this point were really strong and painful. The next two hours were a blur of pain, each contraction melting in to the next one. The nurse came in and told me to labor on my hands and knees, and we were grateful to get some kind of guidance. As I switched to the new labor position all the monitors I had on fell off or out, and I didn't even care.
The extent of my natural labor prep was an extremely old, worn out book that featured the Bradley method. I got it from the library a month before I was due, realizing that I should have some sort of grasp on how to give birth without medication. This book was so out of date. The entire thing was black and white, featuring pictures of couples going through labor. So much of the book emphasized the importance of the labor coach, and insisted where possible it should be the husband. I realized as I got closer to finishing the book that the person that really needed to read it was Brian. He was going through an extremely busy semester of grad school so I went through the book and made copies of the pages that contained pictures or information that he needed to know to coach me through labor. I stapled the giant packet of natural birth goodness and sent it with him to look at on the bus to and from campus everyday which was about an hour commute. We had a good laugh imagining someone peaking over his shoulder, finding him looking at grainy print-outs of naked women giving birth. Pretty sure nobody would have assumed that he was preparing to help his wife through labor when they saw him browsing a black and white illegally copied packet full of revealing pictures of men and women from the 70s in a birthing tub. Needless to say Brian never really did get the chance to go through the packet since I had David a bit early. We were so unprepared and undereducated. Looking back, if we could have had a nurse that was willing to guide us along it would have made the labor so much better. What I needed was a doula.
So after taking what little advice we received and laboring on my hands and knees for a few contractions the doctor came in and broke my water. I knew it wouldn't be too much longer before the baby came. I couldn't believe my contractions could get any worse at that point but somehow they became more painful and more frequent. It was at this point I started screaming. I've read books before that describe a women giving birth and hearing screaming but not knowing where it came from when all along it was the laboring woman. That was exactly how it was for me. I was not unconscious but most definitely not coherent and all I could do was curl in to a tiny ball and scream. My whole body was tense and suffering...not at all the way it should have been. I needed to be breathing through the contractions but couldn't even catch my breath. At some point Brian's face hovered over mine and he told me to sing through the pain. Can you believe that? He even modeled for me a deep inhale with a lovely singing/groaning exhale. Not having a clue what to do or who to listen to, I actually tried it one time before coming to my senses enough to push his face away from mine, which was only inches away. The smell of his breath combined with the suggestion of singing tipped me over the edge. The nurse came in to check me and told me I was almost fully dilated. I was in the transition phase of labor, the most painful part, and would be ready to push soon. At this point the pain was so bad I threw up. I still was stubborn about the epidural but asked for something, any sort of medication she could administer that would help. She told me there was something she could inject in to my IV but that if I was close to the pushing stage it would be better and safer for the baby to not take it. I was desperate and told her I would take that chance. Soon after she left the room I felt the urge to push. It was too late for medication. I was screaming "I FEEL LIKE PUSHING". I didn't have the mind to push the nurse call button and Brian was too occupied holding my hand and helping me cope with what felt like the end of my life. The nurse heard my yelling and came in with the doctor. This was the second time I had seen my doctor during my labor, the first being when he came in to break my water. Quickly the room changed and I was told to push. I had been in so much pain with the contractions it took me off guard when I didn't feel any pain pushing. I literally was numb. I've heard this is the body's natural anesthesia during the pushing process of labor as there is so much pressure when the baby crowns. I thought I'd feel the "ring of fire" at this point, which is supposed to be incredibly painful, but either I didn't feel it or it didn't compare to the pain of contractions for me. It only took 10 minutes of pushing and my beautiful baby boy was born.
Because David had meconium (all 3 of my boys have pooped in the womb during labor, what is the deal???) I couldn't hold him right away, which actually didn't disappoint me because as the doctor was stitching me up (I had torn) I began to shake violently. My body was in shock. I still wasn't in the right state of mind to get control and enjoy my baby...not just yet. After I was stitched up and had a few warm blankets on me David was cleaned up and ready to hold. It was a magical experience. I loved holding him for the first time. It ended too quickly as the nurse said I had to switch rooms (the hospital I was at had separate rooms for labor and recovery). The hospital had a nursery and took David to get his vitamin K shot and first bath while the nurse took me to my recovery room. They removed the blankets and had me get out of bed and go to the bathroom and walk to my room. I was so embarrassed when the nurse helped me go to the bathroom. I was shaking so bad I couldn't even sit down by myself. After that I was directed to my recovery bed and I tried to rest. My adrenaline was still too high to sleep even though I was exhausted. I was checked in to the hospital at 4:30 and had David at 8:30, just 4 hours later. Brian decided to go grab some dinner with his parents and told me he'd bring me back something. After Brian was gone I laid there thinking how surreal everything was. Just a moment before then I was surrounded by a large number of people and things were chaotic. Then I was put in a room where I was laying in a bed all by myself trying to rest unsuccessfully. I really wanted nothing more than my baby, and finally had the nerve to call in a nurse and ask what was taking so long. She thought I would want some rest after everything I'd been through and so had been keeping him in the nursery on purpose. Of course I asked that they bring him to me immediately, and I enjoyed some quiet time with my sweet newborn, just the two of us for a few minutes.
I had never thought my birth story was a negative one, but as I've become more educated and experienced in childbirth I realize that the number one thing that could have made my birth better was a doula. I really needed a birthing coach. Aside from Brian who really was trying his best, I had no support and real direction the entire labor. Birthing mothers don't have enough options for natural labor and delivery at a hospital. I actually love staying in the hospital. I love those couple of days where I don't have to worry about anything but holding my baby and nursing him. Medication and meals are provided and administered and there is no stress. But I hate that the only option for a natural birth in a hospital is an extremely painful one. It is no wonder women that deliver naturally usually do so in their home or a birthing center. But I know there are women out there like me, that feel most comfortable laboring in a hospital, where immediate care can be given in case of an emergency, but want an unmedicated birth. I am curious to know if there are hospitals that don't make a birthing mother have IV access and monitors on the baby at all times. I think mothers should be able to move freely the entire labor. I think mothers should be able to explore other pushing and laboring positions other than lying flat on their back for the entire process. I think nurses should be better trained to coach and aid mothers that are giving birth without an epidural. I think umbilical cords shouldn't be clamped and cut so soon after delivery in a hospital. I think sometimes the world sees birthing in black and white. There is the group of women that want an epidural the second they feel labor starting. They rest and relax and laugh until it is time to push. Their husbands watch TV and they have visitors in and out of the room the entire time. And then there is the group of women that have a midwife, set up a birthing pool in their home, have the baby in front of their children and encapsulate their placenta to eat later. Okay, I know I'm making major generalizations and there are excellent birthing centers available to mothers that don't want to birth at home but don't like the idea of the hospital either. The point I'm trying to make is that there is a vast number of women in that in-between gray area, that don't fit either of these scenarios, and more options need to be made for them.
Soon I'll be posting about Jonah's delivery, which was a C-section.
