Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Wow. What a memoir! I found this really fascinating. It really got me thinking. I'm just getting used to the idea of motherhood and how to get my two year old to say "mom", but teaching math to toddlers? I think I connected with the theme of this so well that I gave the book four stars. However, I could see how well seasoned mothers would find her methods horrifying. I do think that Amy Chua is extremely prideful to the point of bragging about her life...of course in the Chinese culture this attitude is acceptable, but I would say that the American culture is turned off by someone that flaunts their lifestyle so openly. The author really isn't very likable. But the ideas in her book! I would never adopt her parenting style, BUT I really thought she had some good observations about "western" parenting. One that I thought most true, was how Americans feel that children should have the freedom to choose what they want to be passionate about. Her premise was that if you let a child do that their "passion" will be to spend hours on facebook everyday and eat junk food. But her flip-side is extreme, commanding her children and telling them what they will and will not do. She wanted her children to be music prodigies and so she made it happen. I do think it is important to invest in your children and observe what they may naturally be good at whether it is sports, music, acting, etc. I don't think I would force my children to do something that they did not want to do. There is just no way I could compare myself to this mother HOWEVER, from a mormon mommy standpoint, I would like to see her try and have seven or eight kids. I understand better why a lot of Asian families tend to be small. Very interesting read if you are up for it!

New car and other ramblings

We bought an awesome car this summer. We had such a crazy summer that we didn't have time to think about how bad we needed another car, especially because Brian has such early mornings as a teacher, and a decent commute. Now that we have it I don't know how we could have survived...I would have had to wake the boys up and we would have driven him to work everyday. Not so fun. Anyway I'll talk more about the car in a minute. But buying the car has caused me to reflect upon my summer a bit...

Our summer seemed to be one of constant change and extremes. I thought about blogging about it, but I don't really know what to say or how I feel about my summer. But I do enjoy reading what a great summer others have had. It seems surreal that people actually had a summer of swimming, vacationing, and relaxing. Our summer was anything but normal. In some ways my summer seems so far away, and in others it seems as if the season didn't come around at all, as though I am stuck in that strange period between winter and spring, summer and fall.

In a nutshell (a big nutshell) Brian finished his degree and there was still no job in sight. We were living with his parents and my obstetrician's practice closed down (weird). So I was left without an OB and it was looking like we wouldn't be in our new place before the baby came. So I told Brian we should spend the summer in Utah. It is SOOOO hot and muggy in Houston that nobody spends time outside. In fact, a lot of people around here seem to disappear during the summer, the way older folks gravitate to warmer climates during the cold season only opposite. I needed to find a new OB anyway right? We may even get a job in Utah right? I mean we did have several applications in there. So after much convincing, Brian agreed that it would be fine to go to Utah.

We had so much fun. It is hard for me to talk about it because I miss my family a ton. We stayed up late playing Mario with my little brother and sister. We celebrated my grandpa's 80th birthday which I helped plan. We spent time outside. We got to hang out with family and old friends. I'm SO endeared to Utah and would love to live there again.

So this could all get really long and complicated...in the end we moved back to Texas when I was 37 weeks pregnant (about two weeks before my baby was born). We came back to a job, but still not a place to live. I had been misguided by medicaid about getting our baby covered in Utah and it turned out to be way more expensive than we realized. We could have stayed but felt like we had better get back to Houston. It was the hardest decision I have ever made and I'm not even joking. I hated leaving! I love Utah! I had medicaid in Texas already established so we returned.

Brian and I did some house hunting hoping to find something fast. That is when we were introduced to the house we are in now. The renter before us promised to get out ASAP but in the end, August 1 was the soonest he could leave. We knew we could fall back on Brian's parents again and stay there if necessary. At the time Brian's sister was staying there for an extended period with her kids, because they too were moving and needed a place for a few weeks before there move-in date. Luckily, a lady in our old ward offered us her house, as she would be gone on vacation all summer. So we stayed there, had the baby, and moved in to our place on Aug. 1.

Now if that isn't the WORST timing you have ever heard of, I would like to know. Sheesh. Brian and I were pushed to our max this summer. We felt like we were definitely put through the refiners fire. But in the end, we came out on top and once again, have grown because of our trials. I did feel like one crazy woman though. I love the home we are in now. I love the peace that surrounds me. I love how we are literally away from the stress of daily life. I couldn't be happier...well except maybe if I could drag my family down here with me.

And now for the car. Are you dying to see this beauty?


Wait for it....


Almost....


TA-DA!!!!





This puppy was five hundred bucks. It has a small crack in the radiator, so it leaks water. That is the ONLY thing wrong with it. AC great. Engine great. Mileage great. Tires splendid. So Brian fills the radiator with water every few days and we are set.

I have to mention here that Brian has a new found love of car detailing. I know we are weird. But he just loves cleaning. This car was quite an experiment for him. Because he has summers off, he had plenty of time on his hands. He can't stand lounging around so he put himself to work. You should have seem how much he improved the interior of this thing! The car was purchased as is, so it was in need of some serious cleaning.

Brian took the seats out of the car, shampooed them, and wiped down every inch of that thing. He found four or five pairs of reading glasses, a set of dominoes, an old McDonald's egg mcmuffin, about 11 bucks of change, a rubber ducky, and the list goes on. It was so funny...every time he came in the house he was holding another treasure.

So now he is serious about opening a car detailing business. Who wants to clean other people's cars? Let alone their own? Well my husband does. And I'm proud of him. Even more so because he wants to use his gift money from his birthday and graduation to buy the supplies. He is one of a kind.

Brian, I know that this is a clunker car, but I would rather have a car that makes you giddy because we paid with it out of our pocket, then a car that would cause stress because of a monthly payment. I admire what a knack you have for finances and your drive to be smart with our money.

And I can't believe I married a man that would rather use his "play" money on starting a business to help us earn money than he would on a newer, better phone, or an updated laptop or fashionable clothes. You are one in a million I think.

House, Cockroach, and My Kiddos

The picture below is our new house! We really, really love it. To understand just how much I love this house, you have to know a few things about it. It is on about ten acres of land. It is a grandmother house so there is a much larger house on the property. Another young couple lives in the other house, and they are also members of the church. They are really a great couple. They are house sitting for her parents, who are currently in California. Anyway, I love being able to look across the once green pasture (the drought is really making a mess of things here in Texas).

One of my beefs with Texas is that I feel extremely closed in. I'm used to wide open spaces and being able to look across the valley and soak in the view for miles and miles. Here there are towering, swampy trees that block most of your vision on both sides of the road. There really are no hills in the Houston area so you can only see what is right in front of your face. So the fact that we live on so much wide open land really is splendid for me. I can post a picture of the view outside of our bedroom window later. I'll try and add some photos of the interior as well.

Of course living out in the country requires a price. Bugs. And boy are there bugs in Texas! The drought doesn't help either, as many bugs are being driven in to homes to find water. When we first moved in, we noticed there was a bit of a cockroach problem. We set up 24 roach motels and (carefully) put boric acid in the cracks and crevices around the house. It must have been pretty successful because we haven't seen any since. I learned an interesting lesson in my battle with the roaches. It really forced me to buck up and take charge. I wasn't about to let those things ruin my peace in our home. Aside from this house we have only lived in an apartment in Rexburg for about a year. When we were living with Brian's parents we didn't really have to deal with this kind of thing. Anyway, it made me realize that I am fully capable of tackling a problem like this and facing those beastly pests head on. It probably helps that I've been feeling mother bearish lately...Kayla the protector of children from nasty insects. Plus, it forces me to have a constantly clean kitchen, which has turned out to be one of life's hidden secrets to maintaining peace in the home.

Okay on to the story of the picture below:

One morning I woke up to do some laundry. I heard buzzing and clicking and...well it was a horrible noise that evoked great fear within as you can imagine. I quickly glanced in the sink and saw the 747 cockroach trying to escape. We bought some Raid just for this reason. Problem was, the raid was currently being stored right above the sink in a cupboard. Well this species of cockroach has wings and I didn't want it to get scared and fly out. But I'm a busy mother and had to act fast, as both of my boys were crying and in need of attention. I gathered my courage and raced to the cupboard, grabbed the Raid and started spraying like mad. It started twitching and running around and eventually flipped on to its back. It was at this point that I started feeling really sorry for it (the reason why I'm not the best person to kill bugs). It was totally being burned to death by poison. I thought the more I sprayed the faster it would die. But the more I sprayed the more it twitched in pain. It finally died. I grabbed my camera and captured this photo (notice the pools of Raid at his neck):



Don't those legs just make you squeamish? It does me. Oh and I forgot to mention that right before I shot the bugger with the spray, he pointed one little antenna at in my direction, trying to sense his predator. I found this oddly cute but decided he had to die anyway. Poor little fella.

Well I'll leave this post on a good note by showing off my little Nathan's smile. I meant to show a picture of David too but I forgot to upload one. Just know that he is alive and well and just as loved. He has a crooked haircut and chipped front teeth which makes for a perfectly cute little boy.


Cute isn't he?

Cute Nate

Okay it is midnight and I'm blogging. How crazy! I should be sleeping. Or cleaning. Or killing bugs with Raid. What am I thinking? This is the only time I find for myself, and usually I don't go to bed this late, but I found the camera and got this cute shot of Nathan:


Which reminds me a lot of this little guy:


Only Nathan is chubbier. Not too chubby though, my babies seem to want to be long and skinny, especially their legs. Just like daddy! I think my photography skills are gradually improving. I really caught the natural light in our bedroom for that picture of Nathan. It turned out pretty well I think.

Happy day!

Life Right Now

Life right now is fascinating to me.

I have two kids...more like two babies...that require a lot of attention.

I have a husband that is about to start a job as a middle school assistant choir director. Sixth graders, watch out!

I have an awesome little house that I love.

I wake up to feed Nathan and before I know it I have David standing at the side of my bed. I sleep furthest from the door to avoid this, but he still comes to my side. Yes our toddler is now in a toddler bed. I'm still getting used to this, and get really freaked out when he comes in unawares. The other night I was brushing my teeth when I caught a glimpse of something moving. It was David. I tried to hide how startled I was by acting cool. It came out in a high pitched, much too loud and relieved "Oh hey David!". Brian teases me. David is funny because we say "find your bed David" and he points to the door and runs as fast as he can to it and goes back to sleep. I sometimes think he might be sleep walking.

I have dead cockroaches in my garbage disposal that have been pushed out of the drain pipe that connects to the dishwasher. They smell like poop. I have Brian fish them out with a gloved hand. The first time we discovered one was when I fished one out. And my hand was not gloved. I did a freaky bug dance big time. I don't think I've jumped that high in years. I hate cockroaches and didn't know much about them until I moved to Texas. Do you know that they love electronics? The dishwasher repair man said so. I would like someone to explain that to me.

Truly we have been blessed. Brian is excited about his job. I'm just trying to keep my head above water for now.

We can't find our camera. I'm a bit devastated because the only pictures I have of Nathan are of him as a newborn in the hospital and he is five weeks old. But when I find it, I'll share his cuteness with you.

Nathan's Birth Story

First of all, the blogging world must be mostly for women, because I can't imagine a man seeing the title of this post and wanting to read it. But some of us girls out there like to read about birthing...like myself. So here is the story of my little Nathan's birth.

I was completely planning on having Nathan the way I had David--no medication, quick labor, quick delivery. In fact, a lot of people say that the second time you give birth the labor goes faster. I labored for roughly 12 hours with David and pushed him out in a couple of contractions. So my mindset was that this time round it would be the same only faster and maybe more intense pain because things wouldn't take as long. I was SO wrong!

So a few days before I started feeling contractions Brian and I had been practicing deep, relaxed breathing. We felt confident that things would work out well for our natural birth. We called the hospital and discovered they had a nice big spa tub that you could get in to control the pain. We made sure our doctor was on board and that she knew of our plans.

Nathan was born Monday morning. The Friday before that day, early in the morning I started feeling labor pains. The contractions were deep and intense and I knew they were more than Braxton Hicks. I timed them while I lay in bed. They were coming every ten minutes apart. I woke Brian up and told him that we would probably have the baby that day. I started feeling contractions early in the morning with David and had him by 8:00 that night. So I thought I would have my baby by nightfall that day!

So Brian and I got up and packed our bags. As we got moving I noticed my contractions were getting further apart. They were still very painful when they hit, but they were very infrequent. I knew I needed to labor at home as long as possible because I wanted to avoid medication at the hospital. Our plan was to wait until the contractions got closer together to go to the hospital. We went on with our day, and to my surprise the contractions kept getting further apart, until they were happening maybe once an hour.

Fast forward to Friday evening. My contractions picked up again. It seemed that especially when I laid down on my side they would get more intense and frequent. I had been experiencing really deep back pain with every contraction which made me think he must have been posterior (facing the wrong way). All through the night I labored, but contractions were still a good ten minutes apart. Early Saturday morning, after a hard night of not sleeping and contracting, I called the doctor's office. Sadly, my doctor was not on call that weekend. The doctor that was on call told us to wait until the contractions were five minutes apart and lasted 30-45 seconds. Well I already knew that and wasn't about to go to the hospital to be sent home. The doctor did say that if we were worried we could go to the hospital and they could see how dilated I was.

Saturday was pretty miserable because my contractions weren't very frequent but persisted all day. Finally that night we called Brian's mom to come stay with David. We decided we needed to go to the hospital. At this point I was totally exhausted and hoping that they would strip my membranes or break my water to get things going. It was about midnight when we got to the hospital. They let us know that I was dilated 4 cm. That was about how far I was when they admitted me with David so I thought I would be admitted. They watched the monitor for about an hour. Before going in my contractions were a steady 8 minutes apart and of course the one hour they monitored me I had maybe three contractions. The doctor on call said to send us home. They didn't even tell us to walk around! I asked why they couldn't break my water or something (I was so miserable!) and they said that the doctor on call would not do anything to put me in to aggressive labor because she wasn't my actual doctor. Grrr. So, even though I thought I would never be the person that gets sent home from the hospital, we were sent home! At this point it was early morning. That made for our second sleepless night. Sunday morning we had David go to church with Brian's parents and we tried to get some much needed rest. Again I felt horrible during the day but managed the pain fairly well (thanks to some coaching on Brian's part). At this point I was sure the baby was posterior because of how much back pain I had, and because labor was going so slowly. Every time I laid down on my side I could feel him moving and my contractions got closer together.

Sunday night was difficult. I took a few hot baths and tried to relax. We went on a walk at a very, very slow pace. We put David to bed. I decided to call the doctor again. I told her I was in so much pain and was so exhausted. Again she asked how far apart the contractions were. I told her sometimes six minutes, sometimes 15 minutes. She pretty much said the same thing as last time. I just couldn't convince her to let them break my water! I knew my doctor would be back on shift at 7:00 Monday morning. At this point it was about midnight so I told myself just to wait a few more hours and I could get my doctor to help my labor progress more rapidly. I was so sure if I could just get my water broke my body would have the baby quickly.

Well I didn't get far in to the night on Sunday before I told Brian that enough was enough. We were going back to the hospital and I didn't care how far apart my contractions were. I was in so much pain I was beginning to shake really bad. Again we phoned Brian's mom and had her come over. We got to the hospital at about 1:00 in the morning. They checked me and I was dilated 6 cm. It didn't matter how far apart my contractions were, at this far dilated they had to admit me. I was so relieved. My contractions were still not very consistent. I wanted to make sure the baby's heart rate was looking normal just because of how long I had been in labor. The monitor read that he was handling them very well.

So we were going in to our third night of no sleep. I was so exhausted and was shaking really badly at this point. I asked if the epidural always included pitocin. They said no not at all, only if labor stops. I asked if they use a shot of local anesthesia before putting the epidural catheter in. They said that they do. Then they asked if I wanted one. It was a hard decision for about half a second. I knew I needed help. My labor had been way to long. I was too exhausted to finish it out on my own will power. So I went for it!

The anesthesiologist came in at about 2 in the morning. I stayed calm. They told Brian to leave. They instructed me on what to do. I listened closely and did what they told me. It was a breeze. It really was. Not that painful. I thought it would hurt worse then it did. I remember before the epidural I was feeling very cold and was shaking pretty violently. About ten minutes of having it put in, I felt warm and stopped shaking completely. I also thought I wouldn't be able to move at all with the epidural in. Turns out you can move quite well, or at least enough to move on to your side, etc. I laid down on my side and shut my eyes. Brian also tried to get some sleep. And sure enough, after that epidural got put in, my contractions started coming regularly.

They gave me the button to push during my labor to keep my bottom half numb. I knew right away that I wouldn't be pushing the button. I wasn't feeling anything and I thought that even if all the epidural did was take the edge of I was fine with it. So I disregarded the button and was actually hoping that when it came time to push I would feel some pain to help with the whole process.

By about 5:00 in the morning I was completely dilated. I felt like I was ready to push and was feeling a little pressure. Again I didn't push the button and was glad the epidural seemed to be losing its strength.

Remember my doctor would be on shift at 7:00. The nurse made a comment that went something like "I wish we could get your doctor here for you but I don't think you'll wait that long." I agreed. I didn't think I could wait that long. So the nurse said she would call the doctor on call and let her know I was ready. Well after the nurse left we waited. And waited. And waited. I was getting pretty frustrated. She came back in at about 5:30 to announce that they were going to try and get my doctor there after all. Okay. So more waiting. My guess is the doctor on call didn't want to deliver me when she was in the final hour of her on-call shift. My doctor agreed to try and get there ASAP to deliver me. Again we were left alone. I turned to Brian and told him that I could have had the baby out already! We tried to stay and calm and relax. I thought that if I had chosen to go naturally there would be no stopping my pushing. But I guess when you get an epidural the nurses feel more comfortable just letting you lay there ready to push. I was pretty peeved. Oh and I was also right in the middle of the nurse shift change too which contributed to the delay.

Finally my doctor arrived. I can't remember when she got there but boy was I glad to see her! I remember another thing that bothered me is before my doctor arrived I asked the nurse if I could move on to my back or my other side. She laughed and said "I don't want you having a baby on me. Hold still until your doctor comes." So the whole staff knew that I had pushed David out in a few contractions so they thought it would be really easy to get this little guy out.

Nobody had yet to break my water even though I was about to push the baby out. My doctor was well aware of this and broke my water just before telling me to push. When I had David they broke it around 5 or 6 cm so this was a whole different experience. They put me in to a sitting/squat position and told me to start pushing. I'll quickly add that the baby had pooped in the womb just like David did. Small price to pay for having babies that are jaundice free. This meant that there were several nurses and doctors in the room. The docs had to make sure that Nathan didn't inhale his poop. They were all waiting for the baby to come. I pushed. And pushed. And pushed. Nothing was happening! I was scared and started to think that I was in big trouble. In fact, my contractions had gone back to about 8 minutes apart. So everyone cleared out of the room except for one nurse who would notify them when she could actually feel the baby descending.

I felt like it would help to lay on my side again. I even asked if I could try pushing on my side. The nurse consented and my contractions became regular again. I was starting to tell when I had each contraction. I also was really feeling the urge to push, which was weird because I thought you couldn't feel that with the epidural. Brian helped stabilize my legs and I asked the one nurse in the room if I could push. She said "Go ahead and push if you feel like you need to." Okay. So I pushed some more. Well it didn't take long before that baby was crowing! And of course there were no doctors in the room! The nurse told me to wait (sound familiar?) while she got the doctor. Then the doctor had to get the other doctor because of the baby poop. By the time everyone got situated for the birth of my baby I was screaming. I was in so much pain holding that baby in. I remember yelling "THE EPIDURAL IS NOT WORKING!!!" Hahaha. Funny that with David I hardly felt any pain pushing him out. Anyway I couldn't hold him in any longer and the doctor knew it. There was no time for any other preparations. I remember the doctor asking if there were any towels. They didn't even have towels ready for when the baby came out! After all that time waiting! Sheesh. But I was just happy to have the baby out.

Long story short (or not short...is anyone actually reading this?) baby Nathan finally was born, after much pain and laboring.

Now this is what is weird. I didn't tear even though I was in so much pain pushing him. I was up and walking around within three hours of giving birth...another thing that surprised me because I had the epidural. With David I was in bed much longer than I was with this one. With David I had stitches. After having David I was EXTREMELY sore from head to toe. I wasn't sore at all with this one. Essentially, my recovery has been much easier with Nathan (aside from a bad case of mastitis) than it was with David. That surprises me because again I thought the epidural would make things harder around the board.

One more thing I forgot to add about my experience. I was tested for Group B Strep and the results came back negative. I had the test done a little late in my pregnancy so the results weren't in my initial paperwork. Because of this the nurses said they would have to treat me for it anyway. I tried to give them my word that I tested negative but they said they needed it in writing from a doctor. They gave me antibiotics and I was pretty upset about that because I didn't need them. But in the end that was a pretty minor part of the whole process and really wasn't that big of a deal.

So do I have an epidural or do I go naturally with my next one? A lot of it will depend on the labor! If I have a fast labor like David, I would love to go without medication, but it is more work than I can handle doing it naturally after laboring for three days. Phew. I'm glad this baby is here!

Baby Nathan

Meet our little Nathan! He was born on 7/11/11 at 8:20 in the morning (we were trying to get him out at 7:11 just for fun but I couldn't quite push him out in time). He weighs 7 pounds 4 ounces and is 19 and 1/2 inches long! Our birth experience was very positive. I'll find time to post the details later, but until then, enjoy the pictures!




I felt great after his birth. Luckily for me there was no tearing this time round which means no stitches! Yay! Notice how I'm trying to keep David contained with my other arm. The madness is already beginning!



David holding the baby. Isn't David's facial expression a crack up? He actually has been very sweet with his little brother so far.


This is a very fresh picture of Nathan out of the womb. Pre-bath and all.


We feel so blessed! Welcome to the world little man!