Most Embarrassing Moment

As I was going through an old journal, I found a writing of my most embarrassing moment. I was 19 at the time. This was my first summer home from college. I am going to suffer through the embarrassment and shame of this story to make whoever reads it laugh. Enjoy.



"Sometimes people are going to have their share of bad luck. I got hired for Lehi City employment--this required a drug test. So this morning I go in to the place that is specifically for drug and alcohol testing. The building was tucked away in an obscure part of Orem. I felt pretty weird being there. I decided to go on my lunch break (I just started my other job). I was in a hurry to get back in time. One guy ran the drug testing place and he was a hippie. He got my info, put on his gloves, and unwrapped the pee-in-cup kit. He said "This might sound uncomfortable, but I need you to not flush the toilet or wash your hands until I have your cup." He marked the line where I needed to fill it. I felt pressure right away...could I fill it all the way to the line? Well it was stop and go but I did it, with a perfect fill right to the line. It did take a while to fill it and I was starting to worry what hippie man was thinking. I didn't want him to think I was doing anything crazy (like washing my hands or flushing the toilet) and I had to get back to my other job. Without thinking, I set my lengthy stream of toilet paper that I used to wipe on the counter by the sink--why I didn't put it in the toilet I do not know. Was this also a no-no according to hippie man? I already felt so restricted in this whole process. While I was hurrying I felt a tremendous amount of pride in my healthy cup of pee. I did it. I took my first ever drug test! I set it down and fumbled to find the zipper on my pants. To my horror, my unimaginable horror and dismay, I knocked the cup of pee off with my elbow and watched as it slowly hit the floor and quickly spread out all over the place. I didn't know what to do. If I wasn't allowed to wash my hands than I certainly wasn't allowed to spill my pee the floor. I had to let the guy know why I was in there for so long, lest he arrest me for tampering with my test. I threw the door open and looked at the hippie in horror. "I have something embarrassing to say" I blurted. Only I didn't say anything I just held open the door and let him look at the disaster. I can't imagine how disgusted he was--even as a hippie. This is when I realized that my wad of toilet paper was on the basin, not in the toilet. I was so worried about achieving the "in and out" method of drug testing that I had no time to gather my senses while finishing up. Why oh why did I put it on the counter? Well Hippie man wasted no time. He walked straight to that wad of toilet paper, touching only a tiny corner of it, and as it unfolded in to a never-ending stream of crumpled bath tissue, he disposed of it. I was a little thrown off. Why attack the toilet paper so quickly? Wasn't the large amount of pee on the floor the most disturbing of it all? I don't know when he noticed the pee but he must have at some point because he grumbled something about going to find a mop somewhere. He came back with mop in hand and said "I have never cleaned in my life, I have never even held a mop before". I didn't have time to analyze how odd that statement was so I grabbed the mop and cleaned up the Kayla-covered-pee-floor. I was so embarrassed! When it was over I turned to leave--get this--and the Hippie turns to me and actually SAYS "I know how you feel. I spilled coffee on my shirt this morning". Are you kidding? What a consoling man."

And at the bottom of the page is a portrait I drew of Hippie man.

On being Yoo-Neek

Did you know the pronunciation guide in the dictionary for unique is seriously "yoo-neek"? I love that.

I sat down to post something non-motherhooddy but here I am and all I can think of is this:

I have read a handful of blogs today, all Mormon mothers that stay home with their children. And I could have been the author of any of the posts I read. Mostly they talked about the struggles and triumphs of our (Mormon mothers) situation: choosing to stay home with the kids rather than pursue a career.

I like to think of myself as someone that had a promising career (I had fabulous grades in college, I studied music and communication which both intersted me, I had a great internship that could have possibly landed me a great job). But instead of pursuing that career I chose to start a family and followed the teaching of my church which is that mothers, where possible, should be home with their children instead of putting them in another's care.

But I don't recall making that choice. I don't know that I ever even considered the alternative which is that I put my kids in day care, or maybe just didn't have any children. When I met Brian and got married it was a given. We didn't even think about another scenario. We started our family when we knew I could graduate from college, Brian got his education and got a job.

I wonder if it is like that on the flip-side. I wonder if most women (I'm talking non-mormons here) get their job and earn money because it is just the norm. It is a given. And maybe in the thick of the demands of their job, when they come home tired and stressed, they ever realize they could choose to live a completely different life, one where they have children and care for them at home.

Maybe when I have a really hard day and I wish for a different scenario, one where I have a career, there is a woman on the other side of the fence that wants what I have?

I guess what I'm saying is that you have to find happiness with what you've got. Even though on those hard, tiring days, I think I would possibly enjoy a career more than staying at home with my kids, the fact is, I probably wouldn't be.

When I read all these other blogs I don't feel lonely. I know EXACTLY what and how the other stay-at-hom moms are feeling. In fact, I'm amazed at how my situation is anything but unique.

It is when I think about myself compared to most women my age in the world that I feel unique. Really I shouldn't even be married yet, let alone have two children by the world's standards. The uniqueness comes by that comparison.

Not too long ago Brian and I had a small reception at a nice restaurant with the Houston Camerata, a choir we were both in at the time. We sat across from another couple that was probably in their fifties. They both had very busy, accomplished lives. They had no children. In fact, they were surprised to find that we had two children. They even asked if we were Catholic (when we told them we were Mormon they had no response). Probably they didn't grow up in big families. Maybe even they didn't have any siblings. They, like me, probably followed the examples of their parents, which for them was pursuing a career. They probably didn't even realize they had a choice.

Even though I never really gave much thought to life outside of being a stay at home mom, I'm still happy with what I have. I know that I could go get a job if I wanted one or felt like that was a better thing for my family, but for now, I'm sticking with being unique.

Writing Again

Hello Blog. I'm sorry I have neglected you for so long.

I think I'm going to start making this blog more of a place to write.

So here are some thoughts I've had lately...

One of the worse feelings in the world is picking up some trash on the floor and realizing when you've picked it up that it is a dead bug, or worse, a dried up frog.

Motherhood is still hard. But not hard in the literal sense. It is hard mentally. It requires daily positive self-talk. Negative thoughts are my worse enemy. I have to tell myself over and over to be more cheery, to think happy thoughts, to play with my children.

If I think too much about yesterday or tomorrow I go insane. One day at a time when you stay home with kids all day every day. If I can have a good day today, everything will be fine.

I'm always tired. I look tired. I can't get out of bed in the morning. I can't fall asleep at night. Pregnant you say? Nope. Your thyroid is low? Nope. I don't know what it is. Getting older I guess?

I find joy in focusing on my children and recognizing their personalities and unique gifts. When I take time to look at them more closely I can almost see them 10 or 15 years from now. And I feel lucky that I get to be around such cool people all the time.

I'm really blessed that I love cooking and baking so much because feeding my family is a big part of what I do.

Alright, I'm tired so I'm going to take a nap now while I have the chance.

Adieu.