Most Embarrassing Moment

As I was going through an old journal, I found a writing of my most embarrassing moment. I was 19 at the time. This was my first summer home from college. I am going to suffer through the embarrassment and shame of this story to make whoever reads it laugh. Enjoy.



"Sometimes people are going to have their share of bad luck. I got hired for Lehi City employment--this required a drug test. So this morning I go in to the place that is specifically for drug and alcohol testing. The building was tucked away in an obscure part of Orem. I felt pretty weird being there. I decided to go on my lunch break (I just started my other job). I was in a hurry to get back in time. One guy ran the drug testing place and he was a hippie. He got my info, put on his gloves, and unwrapped the pee-in-cup kit. He said "This might sound uncomfortable, but I need you to not flush the toilet or wash your hands until I have your cup." He marked the line where I needed to fill it. I felt pressure right away...could I fill it all the way to the line? Well it was stop and go but I did it, with a perfect fill right to the line. It did take a while to fill it and I was starting to worry what hippie man was thinking. I didn't want him to think I was doing anything crazy (like washing my hands or flushing the toilet) and I had to get back to my other job. Without thinking, I set my lengthy stream of toilet paper that I used to wipe on the counter by the sink--why I didn't put it in the toilet I do not know. Was this also a no-no according to hippie man? I already felt so restricted in this whole process. While I was hurrying I felt a tremendous amount of pride in my healthy cup of pee. I did it. I took my first ever drug test! I set it down and fumbled to find the zipper on my pants. To my horror, my unimaginable horror and dismay, I knocked the cup of pee off with my elbow and watched as it slowly hit the floor and quickly spread out all over the place. I didn't know what to do. If I wasn't allowed to wash my hands than I certainly wasn't allowed to spill my pee the floor. I had to let the guy know why I was in there for so long, lest he arrest me for tampering with my test. I threw the door open and looked at the hippie in horror. "I have something embarrassing to say" I blurted. Only I didn't say anything I just held open the door and let him look at the disaster. I can't imagine how disgusted he was--even as a hippie. This is when I realized that my wad of toilet paper was on the basin, not in the toilet. I was so worried about achieving the "in and out" method of drug testing that I had no time to gather my senses while finishing up. Why oh why did I put it on the counter? Well Hippie man wasted no time. He walked straight to that wad of toilet paper, touching only a tiny corner of it, and as it unfolded in to a never-ending stream of crumpled bath tissue, he disposed of it. I was a little thrown off. Why attack the toilet paper so quickly? Wasn't the large amount of pee on the floor the most disturbing of it all? I don't know when he noticed the pee but he must have at some point because he grumbled something about going to find a mop somewhere. He came back with mop in hand and said "I have never cleaned in my life, I have never even held a mop before". I didn't have time to analyze how odd that statement was so I grabbed the mop and cleaned up the Kayla-covered-pee-floor. I was so embarrassed! When it was over I turned to leave--get this--and the Hippie turns to me and actually SAYS "I know how you feel. I spilled coffee on my shirt this morning". Are you kidding? What a consoling man."

And at the bottom of the page is a portrait I drew of Hippie man.